How to Discipline Your Child

• This is the most important element in communicating with your child. Unless YOU know the difference between bad behavior and the essence of your child, you will never be able to let your child know that it is his bad behavior you don't like and that you still like him.
  
• Children instinctively know how you feel about them; be conscious of focusing on the specific behavior and not generalizing on everything that the child has ever done wrong.

• This is not a battle where you go into combat, child to child, but rather a general in charge of the troops.
  
• Do not get defensive. To gain a child's respect you must come from a place of confidence and set firm and decisive boundaries.

• Children are uncanny when it comes to getting their way; they know exactly who will say yes and who will say no.
  
• Unless parents are unified and support one another, there will always be conflict around disciplining children.
  
• If you disagree with your partner's assessment of the situation, discuss it privately, and if need be, make a new decision jointly.

• Never say, "If you do that again, you are going to be in big trouble." No one knows what that really means and no one takes it seriously.
  
• State specifically what the punishment will be and ask your child to repeat the consequences back to you. This way everyone will be on the same page.

• If you are guilty or angry when you discipline, your position as the leader, the one in charge, is weakened. If you are frustrated, walk away until your energy is steady and positive. Disciplining from a frustrated place never works.
  
• All good behavior needs to be recognized (just like bad behavior is pointed out.) Changing is never easy, so when we change, it always feels good when someone notices.

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